I understand that sometimes I feel like I care for this person but at other times I can get totally disgusted by the instant thought of him. I guess this is just being truthful to our inevitable nature, the kind and malicious side. Just to summarize the ostensible opposites. There’s got to be more around and within. This is the reason why humans are not Saints, so stop trying to put idealistic facts into the unpolluted minds of a desperately truthful human being. If you ever needed explanation, I suppose this is what it means to be yourself. The result is that it wouldn’t always portray the most beautiful side of you to yourself nor others. We want to be portrayed beautifully all the time. This greed is incessant, but most of the time it’s just our own fucking delusion at work. In fact, the more fucked up the world is, the more you’re going to unleash the irrevocably ugly and unbelievably deranged side of yourself. It’s some natural protective mechanism inherent to us. When we feel that we truly care about this person, we just forget about what we hate about him, but the things that we don’t like still exist. Aversions refuse to be revocable. It’s still hidden in our minds, so stealthily. Things only continue to work because at that moment we don’t want to allow that thought to consume a beautiful moment we think it is. Because, the alluring beauty was true, but only at that moment.